What is toxic positivity? Toxic positivity happens when striving to maintain a positive mindset during a difficult situation, rather than allowing yourself to experience and process the emotions that emerge. This approach can become toxic, because eliminating emotions in difficult situations will not help you to overcome the situation at hand. For example, an approach of toxic positivity is to replace painful emotions with positive emotions; however, masking our emotions and pushing aside the situation will detriment our mental and emotional health. This example enables toxic positivity to promote a false-positive façade, impacting our mental and emotional health.

I recently learned about this term and realized that I am guilty of exuding toxic positivity behavior. It was difficult for me to let this sink in, because my daily mantra is to ‘remain positive’ and see the ‘silver lining’ in every bad situation. I often say, ‘everything happens for a reason’ when evaluating and assessing situations. I want to stress that it is important to incorporate a positive mindset to feel optimistic, inspired, motivated, etc.; but we are all faced with difficult situations that bring forth painful emotions that should not be ignored.

Toxic positivity can lead to false expectations. We’re all human, and we all experienced painful situations; but the reality is that we are able to rise above and overcome painful situations without incorporating too much positivity. Once we comprehend this mindset, we can approach situations from a different lens, promoting strength and growth.

How do we move forward to achieve a balanced approach toward improving mental and emotional health? If you recognize toxic positivity behavior, here are some methods to consider:

• Don’t disregard painful emotions: If we push aside negative emotions during difficult situations, this will lead to more problems down the road. Instead of masking your emotions, recognize the emotions and analyze your feelings. Remember, your emotions are valid, and you should not feel guilty for feeling negative emotions. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
• Assess your emotions: After recognizing your emotions, and eliminating the behavioral pattern of masking them, begin to assess your emotions. This takes time and patience, but the result will help you with overcoming the situation at hand. Emotions can be extremely complex, especially while feeling multiple emotions at once – but that is completely OK. After assessing your emotions, take the next step in moving forward to overcoming the situation at hand. This approach will promote growth and will help make strides toward improving overall wellbeing.
• Moving forward: After allowing yourself to feel and assess your emotions without guilt or shame, think of how you can rise above in a healthy approach. This approach is individualized, so feel free to incorporate methods that speak to you – whether it’s self-care, meditating, journaling, going for a walk or run, talking to a trusted companion or licensed professional, or finding an activity that you enjoy that will help reduce stress. As you are moving forward, remember that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.

Toxic positivity behavior can stem beyond our personal lives. Inadvertently, we can emulate toxic positivity upon others when asked for support. If someone comes to you for support with a difficult situation, be present and listen to their concerns. Listening is the most valuable approach to incorporate while helping someone overcome a challenging situation. Instead of saying, ‘things could be worse,’ or ‘just stay positive’ try saying, ‘Your feelings are valid, and I am here for you.’

Toxic positivity is not meant to dim the light on positivity as whole. Remember, it’s important to stay true to yourself – especially if being positive is a part of who you are; but it is important to acknowledge and recognize behavior that could potentially impact our mental and emotional health by setting unrealistic expectations.

Learning to recognize this behavior will help alleviate the pattern, which in turn will promote genuine support for ourselves and our loved ones. Incorporating positivity with a balanced approach will help you to assess situations from a healthy lens and will help maintain overall wellbeing.